Why Trust Matters: A Surrogate’s Perspective on Your Journey Together

At SmartPath Fertility International, we know that surrogacy is deeply emotional for everyone involved.  Our founder and executive director, Maria Feekes, regularly connects with intended parents. Each family is at a different point in their journey to parenthood, and Maria knows everybody’s story. She often emails to offer guidance and insights from both their perspective and the perspective of the incredible women carrying their children.

Recently, Maria spent time with surrogates at various stages of the journey—whether they were just beginning the process, preparing for an embryo transfer, well into pregnancy, or even post-delivery. One particular theme stood out in every conversation: trust.

Surrogates feel deeply connected to the families they carry for, and knowing they are trusted and appreciated means everything. Even unspoken doubt can create stress and make them feel unseen, while small gestures of gratitude and reassurance can strengthen your bond and make this journey even more meaningful.

In a heartfelt message to the intended parents, Maria shared how they can nurture this connection with their surrogates. Below is her letter, along with simple yet meaningful messages parents can send to let their surrogates know they are valued every step of the way.

Hi dear families,

I wanted to take a moment to share some insights from the surrogate's perspective. Recently, I’ve spent quite a few days with some of our surrogates, and I’ll be sharing more of what I’ve learned through future messages. Today, I want to highlight one common theme that came up in conversations with every surrogate, regardless of the phase they were in—whether they were in the testing and selection process, preparing for the endometrium, post-transfer, in the later stages of pregnancy, or even after delivery.

The key takeaway was this: it’s vitally important for them to feel that you trust them. Any doubt creates tension, stress, and fear, leaving them feeling unappreciated and undervalued.

Wherever you are in this process, please know you are not alone.

Your surrogate is not just carrying your child; she is carrying your hopes, dreams, and prayers. She celebrates each milestone, holds her breath through each waiting period, and prays just as hard as you do for a joyful and healthy outcome.

She is part of your team, cheering for you every step of the way.

When something goes wrong, she feels responsible. She grieves along with you. 

When things are going well, she celebrates with you! 

Reminding her that you see her, appreciate her, and value the love she's pouring into this journey can be as simple as sending a brief message. Here are a few heartfelt messages you might send to your surrogate at different stages (please edit in any way):

Before Transfer: "We are so incredibly grateful for you. Knowing you are preparing for this journey with us fills our hearts with hope. No matter what, we are in this together."

After Transfer (Waiting for Results): "These days of waiting feel so long, but knowing you are holding onto hope with us makes it easier. We are thinking of you every moment and sending all our love."

Positive Pregnancy Test: "Our hearts are overflowing! We could not be more thankful for you and the love you are putting into this journey. You are making our dreams come true!"

News of Non-Confirmed Pregnancy Test:

“Please know that our hearts are heavy just as yours today. We are endlessly grateful to you for taking a chance and doing everything you could. We understand this is incredibly difficult for you, just as it is for us. Please rest and recover. We love and appreciate you deeply."

First Ultrasound: "Seeing that tiny heartbeat today was surreal. Thank you for helping bring this miracle to life. We are so lucky to have you as part of our story."

Mid-Pregnancy Check-In: "We hope you’re feeling positive and supported. Please know we are here for you, just as you are here for us. You are such a gift to our family."

Approaching Birth: "We can’t believe we’re almost there! This journey with you has been one of the most profound experiences of our lives. We will never find the words to thank you enough."

Your surrogate doesn’t expect grand gestures. Knowing that she is seen, appreciated, and loved makes a significant difference. Therefore, no matter where you are in this process, never forget that she is fully engaged with you. You are a team, and together, you are creating something extraordinary.

Love, 

Maria and the Team