Essential Guide for Parents: Tips and Insights on Surrogacy

Kristi C.
Nov 4
3 min read

Surrogacy has become a meaningful path for many people who want to grow their families, especially when medical, genetic, or personal circumstances make pregnancy feel out of reach. For a lot of parents, surrogacy isn’t the first version of the story they imagined, but it becomes the one full of hope, intention, and love.

At first glance, the process can feel overwhelming. There are legal pieces, medical steps, emotional layers, and financial planning all happening at once. This guide is meant to help you understand the journey in a simple, human way.

What Surrogacy Actually Means

In surrogacy, another person (the surrogate) carries a pregnancy on behalf of the intended parents.

There are two types:

Traditional surrogacy: the surrogate’s egg is used. This type of surrogacy means that the surrogate is biologically related to the baby. PRETTY MUCH NOBODY DOES THIS ANY MORE. AT LEAST, WE DO NOT.
Gestational surrogacy: the embryo comes from the intended parents or donors, This means that the surrogate is not genetically connected to the child.

Today, gestational surrogacy is by far the most common. The numbers say it’s around 90% of arrangements, per ASRM.

The big takeaway: In gestational surrogacy, the baby is genetically connected to the intended parents (or their donors), not the surrogate.

Legal Things to Know

Surrogacy laws are so different depending on where you live. Plus, everything seems to be changing faster than most fertility clinics, surrogacy agencies, and legal representatives can keep up!!

Some places have well-established surrogacy frameworks; others don’t recognize the agreements at all.

This is why working with a reproductive law attorney is a really good idea. Personally, I wouldn’t do it without having one. Your attorney should be a specialist in reproductive law, not just a general family law lawyer.

Your attorney will:

Draft the contract
Clarify everyone’s rights and responsibilities
Ensure parental rights are legally established

The goal is clarity and protection for everyone involved.

Choosing a Surrogate

Finding the right match is about more than medical screening.

Things that matter include:

Health + previous pregnancies: Most surrogates have already delivered at least one healthy baby.
Emotional readiness: The journey requires resilience and openness.
Personality fit: Shared values, communication style, expectations around contact during and after birth.

Many families work with agencies because matching, screening, coordination, and support is a lot to carry alone.

Understanding the Financial Side

Surrogacy can cost anywhere from $90,000 to $150,000+, depending on location, clinic, legal structure, and maternity insurance needs.

This can include:

Medical and IVF costs
Surrogate compensation
Legal fees
Insurance
Travel or logistical costs

Some families use savings; others use loans, grants, employer benefits, or fundraising. There is no one “right” way to manage this part.

The Medical Process

If using your own eggs or sperm, there may be fertility treatment involved to create embryos. Once embryos are ready, the clinic transfers one into the surrogate’s uterus.

The clinic keeps an eye on the early stages of pregnancy following the transfer until a confirmed heartbeat is found. This typically occurs around 6–8 weeks, at which point standard prenatal care begins.

From there, appointments, ultrasounds, and communication help everyone stay connected and informed.

The Relationship Matters

Surrogacy works best when there is clear, kind communication. CRegular check-ins, shared milestones, and mutual respect make the surrogacy journey meaningful for everyone involved.

No one is expected to navigate this perfectly, and learning as you go is normal.

Preparing for Baby

As the pregnancy progresses:

Set up your nursery
Discuss birth plans with your surrogate + medical team
Attend appointments when possible
Plan the logistics of delivery day and the hospital stay

Being present, both emotionally and practically helps the transition feel real and connected.

The Emotional Side (Which Is Real.)

Let’s be honest: surrogacy can feel both beautiful and incredibly vulnerable. It may come with grief, relief, joy, fear, excitement, and uncertainty. Sometimes all at once.

Support groups, counseling, or simply having people who “get it” can be a lifeline.